I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
