So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Randomize
