1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
