I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
