I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Randomize
