I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
