and she was petting her beer can
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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