Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
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birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
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Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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