some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
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