was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
