If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
