I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
