weddingsv make me drug and hornr
okay pat passed out under dana's car
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
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I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
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Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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