Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
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If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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