Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
