i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Randomize
