The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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