I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
