M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
G&T. Gin and tonic. GIN AND TONIC. GIN AND TONIC AND FUCKING LIME
Randomize
