I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
