So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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