You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
