That's intense
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Randomize
