so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
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