I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
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perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
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After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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