somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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