im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
