She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
Randomize
