Redeem this text for a blowjob
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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