i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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