when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Randomize
