just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
