Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
