1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??