i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
So many bounce houses so little time
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck