dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed