keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day