i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
