I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete