just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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