So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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