You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
