I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
