I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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