Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
