I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
