So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
