In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
