Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
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