Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
