Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
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