two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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