i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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