We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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