I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
