i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
