There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize