So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
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