I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
