Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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