I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
Randomize
