what if every blade of grass was a penis?
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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