You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Randomize
