He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
it's great music for shaving your balls
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
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