Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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