I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
false alarm. still invincible.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
