the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
operation have a gay friend backfired
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Randomize
