So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
